The Snack-mobile

As I casually mentioned in an off-hand sorta way, I have a van.  A minivan.  And, may I say in all honesty--I love it!  I can cram 8 people into it and still have room for 3 weeks of groceries in the trunk.  It has all these neat hooks and hangers and secret compartments for hiding all the crap that accumulates when you have munchkins (like my now famous first aid kit).  And, it has more than enough room for my snacks.

Snacks, you say?

Yes, snacks.  And drinks.

I have enough juice boxes, water bottles, granola bars, fruit snacks, Cheez-Its, mini-cereal boxes, little individual milk cartons (I mean, what if someone wanted milk on their mini-cereal?), and fruit leathers in my van to last a family of four at least 6 months.  Why?  Because my kids NEVER STOP EATING.

For some reason, I have given birth to two munchkins with hollow bones.  They can each eat more than an adult three times their size.  And a simple three hots and three snackaroos a day is completely unacceptable to their delicate palates.  They're like freaking hobbits.  They need breakfast, snack, brunch, snack, noonsies, snack, lunch, lunch, lunch, snack, supper, dinner, another dinner, and at least three more snacks before bed.

Which brings us to the snack-mobile.  For some reason, my kids (and all of their BFFs) get ravenously hungry the minute I pull out of the driveway.  I mean, weeping, screaming lunatic hungry.  The DQ can put on an Academy awarding winning act about how she hasn't had anything to eat all day and she will whither away and die of starvation in the five minutes it takes to get to Chik Filet.  Doesn't matter if we're only going three miles down the road--they need a snack.  And, obviously, the snack will make you thirsty.  So you need a drink.  And the drink makes you have to pee, so I have to pull to the side of the road and get out the port-a-potty.  It's like the story "When You Give a Mouse a Cookie".

Oh, and yes, I carry a potty in the van.  My kids think it's the best thing ever and totally show off to their friends about how they don't have to pee on a tree when they go to the park.  They can pee in the van!  Oh, joy.  And, did I mention I have a little boy?  Who doesn't have the best aim?  Now you know why I have Nature's Miracle in the van, too...

The snack stash also comes in handy when I'm stuck in traffic and starving.  Or in the carpool line at preschool, feeling a bit peckish.  Or, at happy hour at the park and all us grown-ups have remembered to bring our booze, but forgot to bring water bottles (yes, this happened last Friday...)

So, that's why I have a big basket of non-perishable treats in my van.  Not because I'm a rugged survivalist who wants to be prepared for the melting polar caps.  Or a paranoid cult member who believes the four horseman of the apocalypse are going to thunder through my backyard heralding the start of Armageddon.  It's because I have two small kiddos who can't go 30 seconds without chewing and swallowing something.  And, I can't stand the sound of whining.  And it's hard to whine with a granola bar in your mouth.