The "Clean Underwear" theory of housekeeping

I think almost all of us, growing up, heard one version or another of the warning "don't forget to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident" from our parents.  Or grandparents.  I have no idea why they were so concerned with the state of my Holly Hobbie panties, but apparently they lived in deathly fear that I would be in (or cause) a car accident, and the paramedics would cut off my undies and find a skid mark and somehow think that I was so unhygienic that I wasn't worth saving.  Or something.

Or, now that I'm a parent myself, they were more likely afraid they'd see dirty underpants and assume that I had terrible parents who didn't bother to bathe me everyday and make sure my clothes were clean.  I know that's what I'd be worried about with DQ and WMB.  Especially WMB, since he's still in that "learning to wipe properly" stage that apparently affects little boys, and some not so little boys, well into adolescence (or, possibly, adulthood).

Of course, when a form of that argument was used against me the last time, I was in my twenties and my mother saw my "underlovlies" (Her word, not mine.  But I must admit, they were lovely.) and exclaimed "what if you were in an accident and the doctors saw what type of underwear you're wearing!" 

Now, it's not like I was wearing leopard-print crotchless panties or anything, but they were nice undies that came with an equally nice tariff as they were French.

Anyway, she apparently thought that if I wasn't wearing some form of clean granny panties, the doctors were going to make fun of me.  Or, think my mom was a bad parent for letting her MARRIED twenty-something daughter wear a lovely strip of lace that would show no VPL (visible panty lines).

My retort was that I hoped they gave the merest fraction of a second's appreciation before they cut the things off.  And, that most likely, I would have already wet myself from the accident already so clean unmentionables was already a moot point.

Mom was not amused.

Anyway, I know you're thinking "how the heck does clean underwear have anything to do with clean houses?"  And here's the kicker--along with the "clean underwear" theory, my mom was also reminding us to make sure the house (and our rooms) were clean, especially if we were going on vacation.  In case a burglar broke in and thought we were slobs.

Yes, I was raised to take the aesthetic appreciations of petty felons into consideration at all times when cleaning.

And, years later, as much as I realize that my mom's theory is completely and utterly ridiculous (I totally and absolutely love her to death, but it is a crazy thought!),  I still make sure the house is pretty straightened up when I leave.  Especially on vacation.

I claim it's because I don't want to come home to a cluttered, dirty house after the stress of getting home and unpacking after a vacation.  I say it's because my in-laws are coming over to pick up the mail/paper and feed our fish/hermit crabs/whatever.

But, I would be totally horrified if someone broke in and thought they ought to call Hoarders instead of wiping us out of our old, partially decrepit, ancient electronics and our jar of quarters for MacGyver to use at work for parking.

Or, worse yet, someone would come over and think we'd been robbed since the house was a mess.  And, I'd have to admit that's just the way we lived.   (Actually, this is a true story.  Happened to a family I knew.  Now, that would be embarrassing!)

So, mom--you can be proud of me.   I almost always have clean underpants on, and my house is ready for a burglar to admire it and possibly leave me a kind note about the quality of my housekeeping and the lovely vanilla/sandalwood scent of my home-made cleansers.  You taught me well.