Unorganized Chaos--or "Who put me in charge?"

It has come to my attention that I totally suck at getting other people's children to listen to me.

I kind of have my own kids under control when it comes to listening.  They seem to know instinctively when mama is about to lose her schmidt, and they do what they're told exactly 3 seconds before my eyes want to pop out of their sockets and my brain explodes with little cartoon steam coming out of my ears.

But, other kids--not so much.

I mean, I'm not a huge "yeller".  I talk about my yelling all the time, but my family's version of yelling is what I've discovered is other families' version of talking ever-so-slightly louder than usual.  With the Drama Queen, if I raise my voice one watt higher than usual to call her down for dinner, she'll burst into hot, hysterical tears and claim I "hate" her and she "can't do anything right" (gee, wonder where she gets that from...)  The Wild Man generally doesn't give a flying rat's patootie when I holler--but DQ has "trained" me to not scream with the white hot rage of ten thousand suns or I'll be dealing with neurotic meltdowns worthy of a Dr. Phil special.

So, basically, I'm a non-yelling yeller.  I discipline with humor, and occasionally sarcasm.   Okay--a lot of sarcasm...

This is normally not a problem.  The kiddos' friends know how I roll, and that I'm the "fun" and "adventurous" mom, not the disciplinarian.  I allow plenty of chaos in the house, so long as no plaster is falling from the ceiling and no one is actively swinging on the chandelier.  I actually like the sound of 15 children running up and down my stairs and swinging the front door shut on their way to climb the trees in the back yard.  I encourage the sounds of loud laughter and semi-constant chattering of little voices through out the house.

It's chaos.  But, it's Organized Chaos.

Then, I started to seriously volunteer at church and school.   Controlling other people's children (beyond my own "village") is hard.  Really, really hard.

I admit, I was totally naive.  I have run Girl Scout meetings (with a whopping 10 girls who I've known forever, and I count their parents as some of my dearest friends) with no problem.  I've worked one-on-one in Kindergarten classes and pre-school co-ops and reading groups.

Then, I took seven 3rd graders to the Aquarium.  At first I joked that I'd make the front page of the paper to losing a child to the shark tank.  Ahhhh--yep, it almost happened.

That's when I should have known that I'm not exactly cut out to be in charge.  Of anyone.  Not even myself.

I try.  I really do.  But, you know something is wrong when you're trying desperately to have a half-dozen 6 year old's read out-loud to you, and they're doing so while tumbling down chorus risers like a pile of puppies.  And, my "mean mommy" voice just cracked them up.   Let's face it--they smelled blood.  My blood.  They knew I was a goner...

I have friends that have just nailed that whole "teacher" voice.  They speak with authority.  Kids pay attention to them.  Probably out of vague fear, but at least they pay attention.  Me?  They are fully aware that I'm the mom who will let them climb the biggest trees and bake the biggest cookies and go on the coolest trips to potato chip factories and tree house museums, but that I'm completely incapable of keeping them from table surfing in the cafeteria or feeding themselves to the sharks (if they're not actually related to me).

Can I claim this as my "get out of jail free card" for field trips?  Apparently, no.  I'm signed up for an overnight 4th grade field trip next month.  A dozen or so girls.  One cabin. Lots of woods and water.  And me in charge.

This is going to be interesting...