We missed a crucial moment in seeing how old a certain raggedy looking couponer was, and a large bet involving cookies and/or candy was at hand. I was betting she was in her mid-40's. DQ insisted she was 24 and just "looked rough". But, hey--it was on regular cable and not DVRed, so we can't hit rewind. Right?
Ah, no. DQ immediately took control, hit a few buttons (did you know you can fast forward or reverse in 5 minute increments? Okay, show-offs... Well, I had no clue.) and started wigging out about the sign that said the lady was 24. I tried valiantly to claim it was a massive typo, but I lost that argument, and AirHead taffy was distributed to the winning party. Then, just to make me feel more ancient and techno-stupid, DQ hit the "live" button (never knew what that was for!) and magically the program resumed at the current scene.
It was like freaking magic. Black magic.
It was at this point that I had to admit I've become a total Luddite. Not the crazy-assed British arsonists who were burning down factories and causing some very annoying destruction in industrial age England. But, the more colloquial Luddite who has been consciously and stubbornly adhering to the "old ways".
Let's put this in list form:
(1) I do not own a smart phone. Or an iPhone. I own a POS flip phone that is so old that batteries aren't made for it anymore. And, when I asked the vendor about any additional batteries or accessories (preferably reconditioned, since I'm cheap as can be), he paused. A little too long. I heard crickets.... Then, I'm sure I heard a muffled snicker. Apparently, I need a new phone. One that was made in the 21st century. My phone ranked up there with avocado green appliances and rotary dial phones as far as Verizon was concerned.
(2) My family does not have an HD TV. We're up in the air about whether or not we want to. Or, more to the point, MacGyver and I aren't too sure. It seems like an awful lot of money to spend on an appliance that will be mostly used to watch Arthur and Max and Ruby. I find the news upsetting enough--I'm not sure I need to see any more graphic depictions of death, destruction, or famine in high def. And, most importantly, I really, really don't want to watch my personal favorite TV shows in such a way that I can see the size of the actor's pores. Or liver spots. I have an unnatural adoration for NCIS, and it has very little to do with the story lines. It's Jethro Gibbs I watch for. I admit it--I'm a Gibbs girl. And I really would rather watch him in soft focus so I can pretend he's not as old or older than my parents. In my old, 14 year-old 32" Emerson, I can squint a bit and still pretend it's the same Mark Harmon from Summer School. And I like that.
(3) My family was so far "behind the times" that my brother, on numerous occasions, has simply bought me tech-toys that he felt we "needed". Like a DVD player. And a digital camera. And a DVD player for the van. And a ionizer. Okay, the ionizer I think was a hint that my old house smelled like cat poo, and it was a blatant hint to air the house out and clean the litter box more than once a day. But still. The poor man feels so bad for us that he feels the need to by my a DVD player because he heard me freaking out that I can't buy VCR tapes much anymore. He introduced me to the joys of not having to hit "rewind" before returning a tape to Blockbuster. Which, incidentally, doesn't really exist anymore. And, certainly doesn't rent VCR tapes. Then, I'm sure I heard him mutter something about "getting with the times." And, just to let you know, this was at a point in time when everyone else in the world was upgrading to Blue-Ray, and I was refusing to let go of my VCR...
(4) I didn't own a CD player until a few years ago. Seriously. When I graduated high school in 1990, Cd's were becoming the new "big thing" and I stupidly thought they were a fad. For fifteen straight years. I clung to my cassette tapes like a life-raft in the ocean of life. Heck, my car in college was so old that it still had a functioning 8-track player. I was the only person in my sorority (and, quite possibly my entire university) that listened to 8-tracks. I think my Rod Stewart one was my favorite, until my dad used it (along with a roll of electrical tape and a handful of toothpicks) to hold my new car battery in place. After my brother saw me crying about losing my precious 8-track, he set me up with an awesome, ghetto Alpine stereo system with remote controls for the back seat and a 6-CD changer. Of which I had no Cds to put in it. But my 1978 Buick Regal was rockin' with a great pair of sub-woofers and tweeters and all that shawatata-bing-bang! All the better to play Peter Cetara and A-ha. Hey--don't laugh. It was the early nineties, and I was awesome.
(5) I am writing this on a notebook that is as old as the DQ. When it, a Sony Vaio, first came out, I thought our family totally rocked! I mean, we had a Vaio well before Oprah gave one away to all the teachers at her "Greatest Things" episode. I finally felt ahead of the pack, since I had this awesome, tiny notebook. I mean, no laptops for me! And CPUs were so last year... Yeah, did I mention my awesome computer was hooked up to dial up. Yes, dial up. We didn't get "high speed internet" until I convinced MacGyver that it was actually cheaper to get the Comcast Triple Play then pay Erols (remember Erols? Am I dating myself?) separately for internet dial up and then AT&T for phone and long distance. And Comcast for cable. And, back then, Comcast Triple Play was still dial-up, just faster dial-up. Our neighbors were getting high-speed DSL, and I was just getting used to the incredibly faster dial-up of a national company. I thought it was totally normal to get kicked off the internet every 20 minutes, and that it took minutes to load a simple page. When we finally splurged on high-speed, everyone else was moving on to Verizon fiber-optic something-or-other. I expect will catch up to that in another 10 years or so...
Needless to say, I'm a bit behind the times technology speaking. For a girl that worked for the Department of Defense's MIS division (yes, that's the Management Information Systems--as in, computers and software) for their DoDDs schools through college, I've sunk a long way down in the techno-gadget world. I used to order high end computers and printers (back when color printers were brand new and cost $10K), and would help organize and teach software classes in WordPerfect and Word for Windows and Excel. Now, WordPerfect doesn't even exist anymore. The world has marched on, and programs like PowerPoint and Photoshop are old-school. And I have absolutely no idea how to work them. At all. Oh, and have I ever mentioned that MacGyver is a computer programmer. This "stuff" is second nature to him, and therefore totally uninteresting. He gets to
While I wouldn't have traded anything in the world for all these years I've spent at home, and I have no regrets in that department, I do wish I had kept a bit more up-to-date with the world and technology surrounding me. I managed to create this lovely, happy bubble of domesticity. My house is clean and uncluttered (usually), and smells of wonderful home-cooked meals that didn't come out of boxes or bags whose direction include "just add water". When it comes to ovens and dishwashers and refrigerators, I'm all for technology. Heck, my new washer and dryer rock my world! Our water bill has plummeted and I can actually dry a huge load of towels in 20 minutes. Tops. But, unless it's a domestic machine, it's certainly not "new fangled" around here.
And, I still don't know where I stand on it. A part of me wants all the pretty toys. I want the same phones as everyone else (even though I never remember to turn mine on. And, when I do, it's usually out of batteries.) I love watching a movie in HDTV at someone else's house and marvel at the crispness and clarity of the picture. I fawn over the newest digital cameras when I see them whipped out at a school concert or sports practice.
But, there's that other part of me that resents the modernization of society. I long for simplicity, not technology. It's seems like such as dichotomy to desire gizmos and equally desire a class in canning my own jams, jellies, and pickles. I read Radical Homemakers and wanted to drop it all to run away and buy a farm and tend to chickens and cows and pigs (yes, when MacGyver heard that, he laughed his sweet little ass off. Me? On a farm? Shoveling moo poo? Yeah, that was going to happen in this lifetime...) Then, I see all the other mommies in the waiting room at the dentist this morning, playing Angry Birds or whatever on their smart phones and texting away with the cyber-buddies while I read the latest Ladies Home Journal and copied down some recipes. And realized that I left my POS phone at home. Because the battery was dead. Again. And, I admit I was jealous. Just a bit.
But, I'm now at the stage when both my bunnies will be in school, full-time, starting next week. I will have the time to take those computer classes and maybe even get a very-part-time job to help pay for an HDTV for when the 32" Emerson finally blows up. Maybe, what's really happening, is that I'm finally coming out of my cocoon. For almost 9 years I have been surrounded by wee-ones. Taking care of the basic needs of my munchkins left very little time to stay current with the world around me. In just a few days, watching the news will be a daily occurrence, not a few minutes watching the headlines of the Today show while jumping out of the shower and before tending to the kiddos. I'll suddenly have the time to read more than the front page and the comics (and, I'll admit it, the horoscopes) in the Washington Post. And, that makes me a bit nervous. I'll be re-entering a world that went on without me for almost a decade. And while the skills I had in my previous employed positions are now basically obsolete, I have to remind myself that I'm not. I can slowly dip my toes into the technology pool, and then (if I like it) I can dive in.
I already have put that first toe in. Yesterday, I ordered my new phone. An Android. I have no idea how to work it, so I may be calling some of you friends in to help me. And please don't laugh when I tell you I don't know what an App is. Or that I have never, ever sent a text. This was my first step, and I'm kind of excited! Who knows, maybe I'll actually get a real iPod (not just the Shuffle that I never use because I can't see what's playing and it doesn't plug into the iPod stations at the gym or on those fancy-schmancy radios).
But, I draw the line at a Kindle. I'm still to old fashioned there. I like my books to smell like paper and I love the sound of flipping pages too much to go there yet...
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